Freedom in the "I Don't Know"
I (Sara) am the planner in our family. I keep everyone’s schedules on my color-coded calendar. I love to make lists, cross items off and then make new lists once a few items are accomplished. You might call me a little OCD; you might call me a control-freak. I’m ok with that. : )
So imagine the anxiety that came when one year ago we decided to sell our house, change jobs and schools, and move our family to Huntington, WV to start a church. And by the way, I have never started a church.
In the last few months, as the move approached and things “got real” I have heard many of the same questions from family, friends, co-workers and supporters. Important, relevant questions such as: where are you going to live? “We don’t know yet.” Do you have a job? “Not yet.” Where is the church going to be? “We don’t have a church building.” And there were also my own questions “Where should our kids go to school? Who will be our doctor, dentist, hair dresser, etc?”
For a person that likes order and a schedule, there were more unknowns than knowns. And yet, I didn’t feel overwhelmed by worry. Sure, I had moments of “what in the world are we doing?”, but more than that I had peace and excitement. Certainly this peace didn’t come from me being in control of the situation, but God wrapped me in His peace that "surpasses all understanding.” (Philippians 4:7) Having so much peace in the midst of change and uncertainty only confirmed that God is on the move and this is His plan. We are fortunate to be along for the ride.
Even before the move to Huntington was in the works (in fact, from one of the first Bible studies I participated in 6 years ago), I had chosen a verse that spoke to me; “Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!” (Psalm 46:10) I’m confident this became my verse because I am so bad at being still. I am a doer, a fixer. I am a nurse, I help fix people. I am a mom, I take care of my kids. I constantly need to be reminded by God that I am not running the show; my sense of control is an illusion! So I was not surprised on a random day in April, right in the middle of all these questions with “I don’t know” answers, that I picked a card out of Chaplain Kathy’s pile during reflection at work and God spoke: "BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD."
I could only chuckle. “Hi God, thanks for the reminder.”
I can recall countless moments during this last year when God has reminded me of His presence and His plan. One place in particular is at ReBuild. This non-profit ministry in Huntington has become a place that I knew I wanted to be a part of the first time I walked into it. Is it organized? Not really. Does it have beautiful colors and decorations? Not so much. Do Paul and Renee know exactly what their buildings and ministry are going to look like? Nope. Yet, there is a peace there. And they have followed God’s call one light socket, one cabinet, one room and most importantly, one person at a time to share the love of Christ with Huntington. I am inspired to live for Jesus there.
There is also a song that I have noticed in the last few months.
I Wanna Go Back
by David Dunn
When I was a kid
I was sure
I could run across the ocean
And I was gonna be an astronaut
When it was You and it was me
I had everything I needed
Faith could even move a mountain top
And then I grew up
And then I got older
Then my life got tough
And we grew apart
I wanna go back
To Jesus loves me this I know
For the Bible tells me
For the Bible tells me so
I wanna go back
To this little light
Gonna let it shine
Gonna let it shine
I wanna go back
When I was a kid
I didn't care to keep up with the Jones's
I was just happy that they lived next door
When it was You and it was me
I had everything I needed
Your hands were big enough to hold the world
And then I grew up
And then I got older
Then my life got tough
And we grew apart
I wanna go back
To Jesus loves me this I know
For the Bible tells me
For the Bible tells me so
I wanna go back
To this little light
Gonna let it shine
Gonna let it shine
I wanna go back
I wanna go back, back to
Yes, Jesus loves me
What if instead of spending our days planning our lives and fighting to control each moment, we let God be God and enjoyed being a part of His plan? What if we lived in the freedom that Jesus loves us and we can let His light shine right where we are each day?
I am not about to throw my calendar away. And goodness knows I will always have a to-do list and post it notes. But this journey from Lexington to Huntington has given me the freedom to say “I don’t know what’s going to happen, and I’m ok with that.” Because what I do know is that God has great plans for Huntington, West Virginia and I am excited to watch them unfold, one changed life at a time.
